Of Muggles and Meddlers
by CheerLachlan
Summary: For Lily and James, every date seems to begin and end with a discussion about their famous father. That's not bad; it's just... not romantic. So Ginny sends them on a Ministry project. Their assignment? To study muggles... and find somebody to love.
1. Blind dates and Pie Charts

Lily's fingers tapped a calm rhythm that defied her highly-irritated mood. The other customers – including Henry – chatted obliviously, enjoying the warmth of the café. Suddenly, it was all too much.

_Slam. _The handbag was ripped from the table, causing a chair to fly and fall. Lily ignored this.

"I'm sorry," she declared, "but if you can only see me as Harry Potter's daughter, I'm afraid this relationship isn't going to work."

Henry stood and tried to stop her.

"Potter – I mean, Lily, wait –"

She laughed, shook her head once, and disapparated, leaving a sheepish Henry behind her.

Not fifty miles away, Lily's brother James was on a blind date. She was blonde, beautiful, and only interested in –

"Harry Potter. Wow. What's it like? Did his involvement with Voldemort affect your childhood?"

"Not re –"

"You kind of look like him."

"Well, I –"

"Except for the scar. Hmm. That's sort of disappointing."

"Umm… you do realize scars aren't hereditary, right?"

"Oh! Well that's too bad. You're pretty smart. Is your dad smart?"

Fifteen minutes later, James decided that he'd stayed long enough to be polite. He forced a grin as he escaped, internally vowing never to go on a blind date again.

* * *

"Mum!"

"Mum!"

The brother and sister glanced at each other, shocked.

"What are y –" they both started.

"Advice," they said in unison. James chuckled and Lily grinned. This was just like old times.

"Did my kitchen get smaller, or is it just me?" In the doorway stood Ginny Potter – hand on hip and grin on lips.

"It's just you," James assured her.

"Hi Mum," said Lily.

* * *

"– and his name was Henry – like that one guy on the cover of _Witch Weekly_ – and he had such dark, _soulful_ eyes."

James snorted and grabbed another biscuit.

Ginny raised an eyebrow at him, lips pursed. "Go on, Lily."

Lily sighed, took a sip of tea, and continued. "But of course, as soon as he found out about Dad, he might as well have looked like Kreacher. It was 'Ooh, you're _famous_' and 'Is it true that the Potter ward is named for your dad?' and 'Why are you ginger? I thought Harry had dark hair.' It was ridiculous."

"And you, James?" Ginny said after a pause. She turned to her oldest son, looking calmly concerned.

"Much of the same. My date only came in the first place because she knew I'm Harry Potter's son. The first thing she said to me was, 'Can I have an autograph?' I was confused for a second, until she added, 'of your Dad's'. I play Quidditch, Mum. And I'm a nice guy. But did Daniel mention this to her? No. He had to resort to the old James-knows-someone-famous fall back." He sunk into the cushions and pulled a sulky expression.

Ginny thought for a moment, staring at the floor. "All right. Stay for dinner, and then we'll talk. I think I've got a plan."

* * *

"Al, would you pass the butter, please? Al? Albus!"

"Hm?" The man in question looked up, barely aware that he was being spoken to.

"Pass the butter."

"Oh. Okay." He did the favor, and then went back to grinning at his fiancé.

James and Lily looked at each other, both wondering the same thing: _How did he do it?_

Not that Al had never had _any_ luck with the ladies, he just never had as much as James. James felt practically naked without a girl by his side, especially since his kid brother did. And she was a _babe_.

"So Brenna; what's _your_ version of the proposal?" Ginny asked, smiling at her future daughter-in-law as she piled mashed potatoes onto Harry's plate.

Brenna flipped her dark hair over her shoulder as she giggled. "Well, I thought we were going hiking, so I didn't bother with my hair or makeup or _anything_. When he showed up in a suit, I was a little shocked, to say the least." Here she laughed again, apparently lost in the memory.

Al threw his arm over her shoulders. "Ah, Bren. You looked gorgeous as usual."

"Stop it, Alb!" They both grinned and stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds.

Harry cleared his throat. "So… have you come up with a date yet?"

The evening continued on like this, until the women gathered in the living room, and sent the men to do the dishes.

"Al, I'm glad you found a girl as lovely as Brenna. I think you'll do really well together," said Harry, patting his son on the shoulder.

"I know we will," Al half-sighed. "She's… She's brilliant: funny, kind, gorgeous. And her eyes! They're dark and exotic, but at the same time wide – like a _doe's_ –"

James interrupted, "Stop it, Al. I think I'm gonna throw up." But he sniggered as he flicked his wand at the plates, making them zoom towards the sink.

"Ha ha. So, how did your date go?"

"Great! In fact, I was wondering if you would give me some tips, just to help our relationship really blossom."

"I wouldn't know. All I know is that Bren had me wrapped around her finger from day one." He gazed dreamily into the distance.

"Maybe you're trying too hard, James," Harry said with an air of wisdom. "You should just let the women find _you_." He pointed his wand at the sink, and a jet of hot water poured into it.

James rolled his eyes. "And I s'pose that's what you did to win Mum over?"

"Not really. I mean, I was living with her family at that point."

"Exactly."

Just then, the exotic-yet-wide eyes of Brenna appeared in the room. "I'm sorry, Al. I've got to go – work's really early tomorrow." She smiled in her alluring way. "Thank you so much for having me, Mr. Potter. You'll have to tell me more about that new Quidditch stadium next time."

"I think I will. We barely scratched the surface tonight. It's so complex." James could see it on his father's face – he too had been won over by her charm.

"All right then. See ya, Dad, James," said Al abruptly.

With that, he practically zoomed over to Brenna. He wrapped his arm around her small waist, and they were gone.

"What happened?" James asked, still watching the doorway. "I'm the one who's supposed to get girls."

"Grandma Molly was supposed to get tired of Celestina Warbeck after fifteen years, and look at her now." Harry raised his eyebrows meaningfully and exited the room.

_Maybe Dad's on to something… _James thought, as he too left the kitchen.

* * *

The four of them sat around the coffee table which was littered with posters and pie charts. James and Lily stared at the smallest poster, mouths wide.

Ginny was in full-on lecture mode. "In conclusion, you'll return here at the end of the three months with your _soul mate_. Any questions?"

Silence.

"Uh, if you're worried it won't work you can look at the pie chart. Twenty percent of the participants ended up married to someone they met. It's quite amazing, really. Right, honey?" She not-so-discreetly elbowed Harry.

"Right. And I hear the Muggle world has lots of blondes, James."

The siblings were now staring at their parents.

Finally, Lily spoke. "You're telling me that you want to send us into the Muggle world for _three months_ and come back _in love_. In the Muggle world. For three months."

"Yes. All expenses paid. It'll be like a holiday!"

"But –"

"But what about Quidditch? Training starts on the fifteenth of August. I can't miss two weeks of training!"

"Mum, I have a job; you can't expect me to just –"

"Maybe I don't mind being single. It's –"

"What about my friends? What about my –"

"Oi!" Harry interjected. "Your mother's trying to speak."

The two protesters fell silent.

"This is a ministry-funded project. Essentially, you're being paid to research Muggles for the summer. Think of it as a working holiday."

"Oh."

"I've already contacted your boss, Lily. Apparently you've earned yourself a break. And James – training is only a couple of hours a day. I'm sure the Muggle world won't miss you for a little while. Don't worry kids," she said gently, "I'll take care of everything else."

She handed them each a folder filled with papers and forms.

"When do we start?" they both said.

"Tomorrow afternoon."


	2. Portkeys and Elevators and Cows, Oh My!

Ginny stood facing her children, expression grim. In one hand was a purple clipboard; the other held a rusty tin can.

"Instruction booklets?" she said.

"Check," drawled James and Lily.

"Directions?"

"Check."

"_Guide for disguise_?"

"Check."

"Toothbrush?"

"Seriously?" Lily was impatient.

"Check," said James.

Ginny's eyes scanned the paper in front of her. "Let's see. 'Wands are to be used only in the case of an emergency'… 'Reports must be handed in weekly' … er… 'If questions arise, refer to the International Statute of Secrecy'… Got it?"

They nodded.

"Be _careful_," she said, looking at James with pleading brown eyes.

"Yes Mum."

Ginny hugged each of them, babbling all the while. "Remember James – you're taking the train to Pickering as soon as you arrive. Lily – your flat is half a mile's walk from –"

The tin can started to glow blue. Ginny jumped.

James took it from her calmly, and she started talking faster. "Be good. Stick to the plan. Don't talk to strangers –"

"Isn't that sort of the point?" Lily asked drily.

James snickered.

"_Quickly, Lily_!" Ginny's voice was shrill.

Lily rolled her eyes and touched a finger to the portkey. That crazy mother of hers…

"Love you, Mum," she said, grinning.

"Oh, yeah. Love you," added James.

They were suddenly jerked forward, into a swirl of colors and lights.

Lily's first impression of Muggle Leeds was that it was extremely dirty, but perhaps that was because she was sprawled on the ground.

She pushed herself up and looked around. They were in a deserted alley way. It was framed by the backs of brick buildings, and covered in smelly rubbish bins. Beyond them was a busy street that looked only slightly more inviting.

"Lovely area," Lily said. She gestured to the nearest rubbish bin, out of which a skinny cat was climbing.

"Yeah. Too bad we've got to leave." With that James sped out of the alley and onto the street, Lily hot on his heels.

"To the train station?" asked James, as they were buffeted along the busy street.

Lily shook her head. "No, my flat's in the opposite direction. I wish we could stay closer together." She frowned.

"Me too." James pulled her into a hug, and held his baby sister for a moment. Then he ruffled her hair. "See ya Lily-Lu," he grinned.

She smiled back. "Bye Jamesy-Poo."

James turned to hurry –muggle style– to the station. Lily sighed as she looked at her directions.

"Excuse me. I'm looking for the Pricilla Flat Complex. Do you know where that is?"

"No, and if you had any decency, you'd look for a map first." The stranger stalked off, huffing at the impertinence of today's youth.

Lily had been trying to get directions for twenty-five minutes now, and hadn't learned anything except that old ladies with small dogs didn't know what a flat complex was. The most frustrating part was that she already had a map; she just had to ask for directions for the stupid muggle project.

"Are you looking for the Pricilla Flat Complex? I couldn't help overhearing." It was a girl who looked about Lily's age. She had brown wavy hair and a helpful-looking smile on her face.

Lily sighed with relief. "Yes."

"Well I live there, so I can show you the way." She tilted her head towards the complex.

Lily followed her into the crowd. "Thank you so much," she said, following her guide's quick footsteps.

The stranger smiled. "I'm Jenny Dennis, by the way."

"I'm, er…. Lila Potts, and I'm from Ambleside," said Lily, way too quickly to sound casual.

_Smooth, Lily. Smooth._

"I've heard that's a nice place," said Jenny pleasantly.

"It is. Very…sunny." For some reason, Jenny's eyebrows furrowed at this. Lily scrambled to turn around the conversation. She felt like a criminal or something. "So, how long have you lived at the Pricilla?"

"About three months." She paused for a moment as they crossed the street. The city was looking more and more welcoming as they got nearer to the flat complex. "It's great there, you'll love it."

"Any single guys?"

Jenny grinned mischievously. "Oh, a few. Nicholas Gordon - lives in the flat right below mine - is the hottest man alive." She widened her eyes emphatically.

Lily couldn't help but giggle. "You're just a little enamored, I see."

"I am. I have plans concerning that man." Lily wanted to laugh again, until she realized that Jenny was dead serious.

"Wow. Well, I'm excited to see how these plans work out."

"So am I, for that matter." She pushed her fringe out of her eyes as they turned a corner. "There it is – that tall building on the right."

"Ooh!" Lily exclaimed, impressed. The building was large and imposing, but there was something elegant about it. It reminded her of a square-ish Hogwarts, minus the gargoyles.

"I love it," she said.

"Just wait 'til you see the inside."

Jenny led her up a few steps to the ebony-colored front door. It had an ancient brass knocker and a little peephole. Jenny pushed the door open. Inside was a luxurious foyer; gleaming floor, live piano music, chandelier. It looked like a ballroom from the 1600's.

"Wow. This, I didn't expect." Lily was in awe. How did muggles do it? That chandelier must've taken them _ages_ to put together without magic! She shook her head.

"Why not?" asked Jenny, looking confused. "Didn't you read a pamphlet?"

"Er, no. A friend of a friend of a friend recommended this place to me. I don't remember her name."

"Oh."

_Could you be any more awkward Lily? Really?_

"That's too bad." Jenny didn't look like she noticed Lily's awkwardness. "I wonder if I know her."

They were now standing before gold-colored elevators. Lily had been on a muggle elevator once in her life. She still didn't trust them.

"Hey, I think I'm going to take the stairs. Long car ride, you know?"

"What level did you say you're on?" Jenny asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

"I didn't," Lily said quickly. The truth was that she was on the fourteenth floor, but she wasn't about to tell Jenny that.

"Just so you know, the stairs are quite steep."

"What, I don't look like I'm up to it?" Lily pulled her best defensive face. She did not want to go on that elevator.

"Not at all," said Jenny, looking worried that she'd offended Lily. "I didn't mean that, I just thought it'd be easier to take the elevator, what with your enormous suitcase."

"Oh." Lily eyed her bag. It was rather large… "Okay, then," she sighed.

And she stepped into the vindictive contraption, hoping she'd make it out alive.

James had always thought trains were cool. The Hogwarts Express had been his first encounter with the best school ever. The London Underground had been where he and his Granddad had bonded when James was a child.

As he took in the fascinating mix of hobos and businessmen, he wasn't disappointed.

_This is so awesome._

The train was crowed to about a thousand over capacity. There was absolutely no room to sit, so he held onto a handle – standing diagonally, because an ear bud-wearing teenager was sitting where his feet should have gone. He stood in this position for another a hundred and three minutes.

_Ding_, went the train. This was James's stop.

He dragged his suitcase as fast as he could through the sardine-tight Muggles. "Excuse me. Oops, sorry! Excuse me, sir…I mean, s-serene lady. You just looked so peaceful standing there…" With the dirtiest look he had ever received from a human being, he stepped off to face his home for the next three months.

It was the tiniest town he had ever seen. It had maybe twenty buildings, and was surrounded by vast green fields. James inhaled deeply, grinning at the blue, blue sky.

An enormous brown cow appeared at his elbow and started to chew. Welcome to Pickering, she seemed to say.

"Did you have a bad experience on an elevator as a child, or something? You look terrified." Jenny gave Lily a look that made her feel as though she were a small puppy up for adoption. If Lily weren't in such a state she would've found that sweet in a motherly sort of way, but as it was, she was barely keeping her eyes open. "Uh…"

The truth was, she had gone to a muggle shopping center with her cousin Rose and Uncle Ron and the elevator got stuck. Everyone was a little panicky, except for Lily, who became downright distraught as the claustrophobia gripped her. She had begged her Uncle to apparate them out, but he wouldn't, since they were in a muggle-filled area. Then she had started crying, and the muggles looked at her like she was insane. The saddest part? She was sixteen.

"Yes, a rather sad childhood accident. I know I should be over it, so many years later,"_ five years later_ "but I'm still trying to… work my way through the healing process."

"You poor thing! I promise you, these elevators are brand-spanking new, and are checked up on regularly. You have nothing to worry about," Jenny said, smiling a reassuring smile.

And for a moment, Lily forgot she was in a muggle elevator. She remembered her three-month holiday, and smiled at whom she hoped would become a good friend.

James ate. And ate and ate and ate. But how could he not? The heavenly waffles bathed in syrupy strawberries were his definition of happiness.

He was finding himself happier with the situation as he discovered more about it. He was staying in a fully-furnished cottage with a fully-stocked fridge. His bed was so comfy; it made him feel sorry for his old one. The small café was just across the street from him and had all-you-can-eat Mondays. Ten minutes away was an orchard in which he could practice Quidditch.

He gobbled down the last few bites of his waffles, feeling at peace with the world. The café's atmosphere was so serene, and the view was spectacular.

The café's bell rung as another customer entered. It was a beautiful blonde.

_I could get used to this_, James thought.

As she passed his table, the girl winked at him.

_I could definitely get used to this_.


End file.
